I am going to share with you the secrets to how I get what I want. The list below has been mended, molded, and refined from over twenty-two years of hard work and diligent experience, so trust me on this.
1. Ask for it
I interviewed four times for my current position, and each time prior to wandering into the daunting 30-something-floor building, I would call my mom. These conversations served two purposes: 1. to make sure I could still speak after likely spending the entire day alone, and 2. for a mom-given pep talk.
During one of those pre-interview pep talks, my mom revealed something to me I had not yet come to fully realize yet myself. She told me the reason I had always got what I wanted was because I always asked.
I am stubborn. I have always been stubborn, and it has been a hindrance in relationship. The glass half-full term for this character flaw, however, is determination; this has always served me well. My determination is fueled by my desire, and nothing can stop it in its wake. I wanted this job so bad, and I told each person that interviewed me for the position, explicitly: “I want this job." It ended up paying off.
I am currently reading a book, per my friend Natalie’s recommendation, titled: You Are A Badass (by Jen Sincero). Jen writes, “Our fantasies are our realities in an excuse-free world.” Sometimes those excuses are tied to embarrassment, feeling uncomfortable, fear of offending another, fear of rejection, etc. etc. However, when you allow your desire to utterly fuel your determination, measly things like being told ‘no’ will never hold you back from asking the question.
And this trick does not just apply to the big adult things, either. A couple months into my job, I figured I would try my (long) shot at getting tickets to the iHeartRadio Jingle Ball at Madison Square Garden (I mean HELLO I was the new girl and had no reason to go to this concert-- but I asked anyway). A coworker made a quick call and the tickets were mine within the hour. Had I let a moment of feeling uncomfortable (which I did experience, by the way) keep me from asking, I would have never had that amazing experience.
The other day, I found an awesome pair of leather pants online for an unbelievable price. The only drawback? They were final sale. One quick call to The Outnet and a note was placed in my account saying that if the pants did not fit, they could be returned for store credit. I am happy to report the Helmut Lang leather pants are perfect and I am sure you will be seeing them soon. However, if they had not fit as they do and I was too afraid to ask customer service for a favor, I would be stuck with a black-leather-financial-crisis on my hands. Okay, I think you get the point.
2. Be nice to people
Throw in a please (they don’t call it the magic word for nothing) and a smile and watch how your way unfolds before you.
Okay so my list is not very extensive, but I promise, it is highly effective.
Notice how my points are married in the time-old saying I am sure we all heard as children: “Ask nicely.” They go hand-in-hand, people. Don’t ask with an entitled tone and don’t wait around passively with a smile.
If you know what you want, smile, be kind, and explicitly ask for it.